


Reflection

by AkaKenma



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, In Universe, M/M, maybe? - Freeform, time skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 15:33:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13860711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkaKenma/pseuds/AkaKenma
Summary: The night before the start of their third year, Kenma calls Akaashi to talk about his anxiety relating to Kuroo going to university.





	Reflection

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this like a month ago and never posted it hdj. I don’t really have anything else to say about this one.

The ball of anxiety that usually came before the new year was heavy in Kenma’s stomach. Starting another year of high school usually wouldn’t be so daunting, but this was his third year. Meaning Kuroo wouldn’t be there. It wasn’t like this didn’t happen before. Kuroo had left Kenma behind in junior high when he went to high school. But this time it was different. Because now Kuroo was going to university and that meant he wouldn’t be here. Kuroo had always been there for him. They had always walked to school together, gone to practice together, everything. They didn’t have classes together but Kuroo would text him over lunch, about their days, about his boyfriend, just anything.   
Kenma got in bed, pulling the covers over himself along with his weighted blanket. The pressure was comforting, grounding. He wanted to call Keiji. He missed their evening chats on days they couldn’t see each other. Kenma would curl up in bed and call him and they would just talk. Would it be rude to call him now? He was probably getting ready for bed too. Keiji had told Kenma he could always call though, especially if he felt anxious and wanted to talk.

  
Keiji picked up on the second ring.  
“Kenma? You okay?” He sounded tired.  
“Fine. I’m just.. anxious..” He moved his head so the pillow wouldn’t muffle his voice.   
“About school?”  
“Kind of.. I don’t want Kuroo to be gone. It’ll be weird without him.”  
“I know you aren’t as dependent on him as people think. But I also understand how he’s a steady-” Keiji paused, trying to think of how to word it “-force in your life. If that makes sense.”  
Kenma nodded, not caring that Keiji couldn’t see him.

  
“He was my first friend.. and my only one for a while. I couldn’t make friends on my own. The only reason we became close is because we lived near each other and he was only a year older than me. I only made more friends after he convinced me to stay on the volleyball team. He’s just.. always been there. I had anxiety attacks after he went to high school, leaving me in junior high. It got better, but I was relieved to join him in high school. Though starting high school was a whole different thing. But then we could walk to school together again and were at least in the same building. And Kuro would always defend me when people would question why I was on the team. They’d say it didn’t make sense that I was starting setter because I’m short and skinny and it’s not like I have super skill. They thought he only kept me on because he liked me.”

  
“Kenma, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. You don’t deserve people saying those things..”  
“It’s not like it’s your fault.”  
“I know it’s not my fault. I’m still sorry it happened to you. I know it’s hard, but try not to listen to them. You know you’re a good player and you’re on the team for a reason. And about the anxiety, that must have been difficult. I know anxiety makes school hard for you, especially if you don’t have a way to escape. I think you’ve gotten better though. I remember when I first met you, you were a lot more.. closed in, if that makes sense. I’m not trying to minimize your current struggles at all, but I do think that you’ve gotten better at handling them. And now you have more friends, it’s not just Kuroo anymore. You have your team, Hinata, Bokuto and I. Lots of people to support you.”

  
“Yeah... I really want to hug you..” Kenma wrapped his own arm around himself, squeezing his waist.  
“I’d like to hug you right now too.”  
They went quiet for a minute, both imagining holding the other.  
“You can call me. If you start to panic during school, I mean.”  
“I can’t call you during class though. I don’t want you to get in trouble or something. And..I would feel..childish.”  
“Kenma, it’s not childish to want or need support when you’re anxious. I don’t think of you like that and I know Kuroo-san doesn’t. We both know how strong you are and that you can handle more than people think you can. That doesn’t mean you never need or want support. And if you do call me during school, I’ll assume it’s an emergency. I know you would do the same thing for me. I want to help you as best I can.”  
“Thank you..for all that..” Kenma’s voice went soft. “I just don’t want things to change. And last year was.. good. The old third years left, and volleyball was okay, if not annoying at times. The team really became.. a family to me. I met Shouyou. Training camps were exhausting but kinda fun. We.. happened.” He could imagine Keiji’s smile.  
“It was a really good year.”  
“Going into my second year, I didn’t care about the third years’ absence. I didn’t like them so it didn’t matter that they were gone. But god now Yaku won’t be there to keep Lev in line.”  
Keiji chuckled softly.   
“I just don’t want things to change...” Kenma repeated.   
“I know what you mean. Thinking about Bokuto-san not being there makes me wish I was a bit nicer to him sometimes..”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Sometimes.. I worry that I made him feel like an inconvenience.”  
Kenma didn’t have a response. He supposed that could be a possibility. But then again, he had never understood how Bokuto thought. How he was so confident and loud and just filled every room he was in.  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to change the subject.”  
“No, it’s okay. I don’t really have anything else to talk about. And I can’t honestly say either way with the Bokuto thing, I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t worry about it, are you sure you don’t want to talk more?”  
“Yeah. I don’t want to.. wallow in it..”

  
“Alright. What’s Kuroo-san majoring in anyway?” Keiji asked.  
“Chemistry. The school he’s going to is really strong in the sciences. I don’t know what he wants to do after though. What about Bokuto?”  
“He doesn’t know. He wants to play volleyball. I’m not sure if he wants to do it professionally or just wants to play on the college team though. He does really want to get into the top three of the best spikers in Japan.”  
“He can do it. I was afraid his spikes would break my arms.”  
Keiji laughed. He had a nice laugh. Genuine and soft. “I don’t know if they’re quite that powerful. He’s been going to the gym pretty frequently though.”  
“I want to do a double date with him and Kuroo again.” Dates with them were always interesting.   
“I can suggest it. I’m sure they’ll both be pretty busy with university, but we should be able to find a time.”  
“Alright.”  
“Maybe we, just us, could meet up this weekend. Have a date before we get swamped with school work and practices.”  
“Are you sure? I know you have a lot of work to do with the team. Last year, almost all of your starting players were third years. And there’s no doubt you’re the new captain.”   
“That’s true, we do need more players. Hopefully there’ll be some first years that are interested. It’s just the first week, though. We’ll be okay. Our manager will help with recruitment.”  
“I’m sure Yamamoto will make it his mission to get us a female manager this year.”  
“I will never understand his obsession with getting a female manager.”  
“‘Cause you’re gay.”  
Kenma’s heart fluttered as Keiji laughed.   
“And you’re my gay boyfriend.”  
“Yes, I am.” Kenma said.  
“So about this weekend, is there somewhere specific you’d like to go?”  
“We should go to the cafe by your place. Their pie is so good.” Where their first date had been. Kenma could imagine the sweet smell of apples and cinnamon.   
“That does sound nice. Coffee, pie, onigiri..” Kenma almost laughed at the longing in Keiji’s voice. He was one of those people that just liked to eat.   
“I wish we didn’t have to wait now.”  
“Me too..” Keiji paused. “It’s getting late.”  
Kenma glanced at the time. 10:30.  
“Yeah, I should probably go. I don’t want to be super tired tomorrow.”  
“Alright. I’m going to go to bed as well.”  
“I’ll text you tomorrow morning.”  
“Send me a picture of you then.”  
“Why?”   
“Because you’re cute.”  
Keiji’s bluntness in his affection still made Kenma blush.  
“I can hear you blushing.” Keiji could be relentless in his teasing.  
“I’m not blushing.” Kenma said.  
“You are.”  
“No, I’m not.”  
They went back and forth like Kenma would with Kuroo. Usually after Kuroo pointed something out about Kenma that Kenma didn’t even know other people were aware of.  
“Okay, whatever.” Kenma knew Keiji still didn’t believe him. “I really need to go now. Tomorrow morning is already going to suck.”  
“Alright. Good night, Kenma. I’ll see you this weekend.”  
“Night..” He hung up and sent Keiji a heart emoticon before putting his phone down.

  
His mind was spinning again, this time with Keiji rather than Kuroo. His anxiety had eased though he knew it’d be back tomorrow. Keiji had made good points though, even if they didn’t lessen the desire to keep things the same. Hopefully he would have class with Fukunaga. Or Yamamoto, even if he was loud and occasionally obnoxious.  
Kenma pulled his phone back out, sending a good luck text to Kuroo and one to Fukunaga, asking what class he was in, before plugging it in to charge next to his PSP. He didn’t want to start the next day with dead electronics.  
He snuggled back into his covers, letting thoughts of his weekend date lull him to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn’t resist adding the ‘cause you’re gay’ stuff fbjdjd.   
> Next I want to write something soft.. with kissing..   
> I’m considering making a multi chapter work but each ‘chapter’ is just a different one shot because I write a lot more short things than longer ones. Idk how people feel about those though.


End file.
